come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize