Soap is not a condiment
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
