Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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