You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
