What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
