Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
