don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
