so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
