Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
