I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
