could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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