I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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