I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We got so high we made milksteak
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
