There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
