I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
