haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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