Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize