I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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