I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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