i'm lost and i look like a hooker
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
