It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
