No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
