Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
