i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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