Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
