Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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