Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
