party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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