i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
