Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
