I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Couch. On fire.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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