I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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