I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
