so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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