last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
