im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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