Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize