I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
