god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
