Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
