mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
