and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
