Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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