ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
