Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
