Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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