I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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