STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
