Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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