put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
