i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
