it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
