I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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