drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
