They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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