Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
