I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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