guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
