I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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