he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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