i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
