Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
