We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
