It's like God shit irony all over that family
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
