it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
