She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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