i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
