i may or may not be watching the land before time
I understand Curling. That high.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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