he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
