does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
