so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
