I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize