That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
