Got a toothbrush?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
