Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
