Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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