Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
