Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
