Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
