I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
