Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
