At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
